


when you believe

by laughlovelashton



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Again, Christmas fic, M/M, So yeah, also side malum, also theyre in london cuz snow, but there will be plenty of fluff at the end, not australia, or michigan like it is in the movie, so basically this is a polar express au, so here have lashton in it, the polar express is my favorite movie ever, this is actually kind of angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-04 16:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5340827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughlovelashton/pseuds/laughlovelashton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>luke's been gone for too long, and ashton has lost his christmas spirit</p>
            </blockquote>





	when you believe

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you all enjoy this super Christmassy fic!

Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. At least, that's what all the overly cheery songs on the radio seem to be saying. However, in Ashton's case, the holiday has long since lost it's happy meaning. While those around him are smiling and laughing and spreading cheer, he is by himself, holed up in his flat and spending most of his time listlessly trudging through the days.

Now, it isn't that Ashton hates Christmas itself. It's more that he associates the holiday with the worst time of his life.

He had been happy, he had been so happy. He had been in love. Just the thought of it makes Ashton want to cry.

Luke had been his everything. They had met in their first year of uni, when Luke literally ran into him in the middle of the library and made them both drop their books everywhere. Ashton had known from the moment he looked up into those blue eyes that he was a goner. They had danced around each other, both sure of their feelings for the other but unknowing that they each felt the same. When Luke had finally worked up the courage to ask him out, Ashton had been so happy that he could've kissed him.

So he did.

From there, it had been history. They had dated all through their university years, moving into together at the beginning of their junior year. And on their graduation day, Luke had gotten down on one knee and asked Ashton to marry him in front of entire class and their families. He'd been ecstatic, and began planning the wedding from that moment on.

However, their first Christmas as an engaged couple was when everything began to fall apart. Luke had signed up for the draft when he had turned eighteen, before he had met Ashton and planned his life. He had forgotten all about it, only Ashton and the plans for their wedding.

It was on a cold November night when the letter had arrived, stating that Luke Robert Hemmings was being summoned to serve in the British Army.

Ashton had cried.

He cried and cried and Luke held him, whispering to him that everything was going to be alright and trying desperately to keep the two of them from coming apart at the seams.

And that's how they found themselves standing in their front hallway on Christmas Eve. Luke was in his uniform, backpack sitting at his feet, and Ashton couldn't help but think that this was the most handsome he'd ever seen Luke. Strong and brave and _god_ Ashton couldn't do this. He had launched himself into Luke's arms, sobbing into his chest.

"Please don't go! Don't leave me!" Luke had gripped him tight, his own tears falling in Ashton's curls.

"Darling, I'm so sorry. I'm so _so_ sorry!" he pulled back slightly, reluctantly.

"I promise that I will come back to you. No matter what happens, I will come back, and I _will_ marry you." he had taken Ashton's hand, kissing it and holding it over his heart.

"I gave you this ring as a promise of my love for you. And I'll be damned if I let something as petty as a fight stop me from keeping that promise."

"This isn't some 'petty fight', Luke." Ashton had whimpered, tears continuing to slide down his cheeks. "You're fighting in a _war,_ with bombs and guns and things that can kill you. You can't die, Luke. I don't know what I'd do with myself if you died." Ashton had worked himself into a frenzy, and it took Luke another five minutes to calm him down again.

"Ashton Fletcher Irwin. No matter what happens, I will _always_ find my way back to you." Ashton had sniffled, staring up at Luke through damp eyelashes.

"Promise?" Luke had smiled sadly, linking their pinkies tightly.

"Promise."

So in November of the next year, when Ashton received a letter saying that 'Luke Robert Hemmings has gone missing in action', the only thing he could whimper through his sobs was, "You promised me, Luke."

_"You promised."_

*

Ashton lays in bed on Christmas Eve, staring at the ceiling. The glow-in-the-dark stars that Luke had put up on the night they moved in are taunting him as he tries to sleep. It's been over a month since he was delivered the letter that ruined his life, but it still hurts as if it was just yesterday.

Everything in the apartment reminds him of Luke, which isn't really a surprise. He wants to move, just so he can be in a place that Luke hasn't touched, one that doesn't hold any once-happy memories. The only thing that's kept him from leaving is the small glimmer of hope that Luke will come back.

He's about to fall into a fitful sleep, when he is suddenly aware that his alarm clock has stopped ticking. Ashton sits up, turning to see that the clock has stopped at exactly five minutes to midnight. As he sits there, confused, his attention is brought to a rattling coming from across the room.

The snow globe Luke had given him just before he left was shaking on the dresser. Suddenly everything was shaking, and Ashton was startled to hear the loud whistle of a train. He runs out of the room as his room lights up from outside. But then, he hears something smash, and he returns to the doorway just to see the snow globe broken on the floor. Tears fill his eyes for the umpteenth time that day, but he is reminded of his reason for leaving his room in the middle of the night when he hears another whistle and the squeal of brakes.

Ice covers the front porch and Ashton almost face-plants into the snow. He's actually considering shoving his face into the stuff when he realizes what's been making all the noise.

When the smoke clears, a huge locomotive is stopped on the street in front of his house, _Polar Express_ emblazoned on the side. Ashton can't believe that no one else is outside after all the noise, but then again, nothing is really making sense right now.

"All aboard!" he jumps, turning to see a conductor further down the train. "All aboard!" he calls again. Ashton makes his way towards him. The conductor is tall, Ashton has to look up at him.

"Well? Are you coming?" the conductor asks. Ashton frowns.

"Where?"

"Why to the North Pole, of course!" the conductor shouts, startling Ashton slightly. "This is the Polar Express!"

"Okay, no offense, but this whole thing seems a little crazy." Ashton back away slightly. "Besides, Christmas hasn't been all that great to me lately, so I'm not sure if this is really the thing for me." the conductor crosses his arms.

"Well, young man, I think this may be your crucial year. You're a little older then our usual passengers, but I think you'll really benefit from it. If I were you, I'd think about climbing on board." Ashton swallows, looking back at his front door. A magic train has come with a conductor saying that it could whisk him off to the North Pole. The whole thing seemed like a dream. Which it most likely was, so Ashton might as well as go along with it. It's certainly better then the nightmares he's been having lately.

So he nods, and the conductor gestures him on.

*

Ashton peers in the window of the car on his right, only to see it full of children. He's not really up to sitting with a bunch of little kids, and the car on the left only has one passenger inside.

The red-haired boy turns his head as Ashton enters, giving him a smile.

"Hey, mate!" Ashton's a little startled at the greeting; he's not used to talking to people on public transport. Nothing's really making a lot of sense at the moment though.

"Um, hi?" he responds, sitting down in the seat across the aisle from the boy.

"The name's Michael." The boy-Michael-reclines in the plush leather seat, throwing his legs up onto the cushion so he can face Ashton.

"I'm Ashton." he offers, throwing a small smile in the boy's direction. It feels a little strange, almost like Ashton's face has forgotten how to stretch his lips into anything but a sad frown.

"Nice to meet you, man!" Michael says. "So what brings you aboard the Polar Express?" Ashton shrugs.

"There's not a specific reason really. I guess I just needed to get away from home, even if it's just for a little while." He realizes the truth in his words as he says them. Maybe having some time away from the flat would help, maybe some time away from all his memories will do him some good. "What about you?"

"Oh, I've taken this trip every year since I was a kid. Being the conductor's son really has it's perks." Ashton's eyes widen.

"Wait, so you're saying we're _actually_ going to the North Pole?" Michael nods.

"Well duh! Didn't my dad tell you that? I told him to stop with all the vague shit-"

"No, no, he told me. I just-didn't quite believe it, I guess." Michael frowns a bit at that.

"Well you should probably get used to the idea, because that's where we're headed. I'm sure Santa will be happy to meet you." Before Ashton can ask about that, the boys are interrupted by the conductor.

"I see you've met my son." he says. "I hope you're on your best behavior, Michael." The boy rolls his eyes with a faint 'yeah Dad'.

"Well, I thought the two of you would like something to drink." he hands them both a mug of steaming hot chocolate. The train slows down, and the conductor hurries out of the car.

"That's strange, I thought you were the last stop." Michael moves over to Ashton's side of the car so they can look out the window. Michael's dad was giving his old song and dance to a tan, black-haired boy. The boy seemed to agree to get on board, albeit a bit reluctantly, and the conductor helps him up onto the platform.

The boy opens the door to their car, and Michael quickly tries to make it look like they weren't spying. However all he manages to do is fall on his face, causing Ashton to giggle. The other boy seems nervous and shy, and makes his way to the back of the car without talking to either of them. He puts in a pair of headphones, ignoring the other two boys as he looks sadly out the window. Ashton and Michael exchange a look, before going back to enjoying their hot chocolate.

"Well he seems friendly." Michael says, knocking back the remaining drink in his mug. "So what's eating you, then? Michael asks. "You seem a little down." Ashton sighs, suddenly not able to stomach the sweet liquid.

"I guess I can't get out of that one." he says, turning toward Michael properly.

"My fiance, Luke, he's in the military. He was deployed last year, actually it was a year ago today. Anyway, last month I-I..." Ashton was desperately trying to keep himself from crying, but he can already feel the tears running down his cheeks. Michael makes his way over to Ashton, putting his arm around the crying boy.

"I got a letter saying that he'd gone MIA. Now I don't even know if he's alive or de-" Ashton can't even finish his sentence with how hard he's crying now. Michael pulls him closer, rubbing his arm and trying to calm him down. They're both surprised when another hand comes to rest on Ashton's shoulder. They look up to see the boy from before, smiling softly down at them.

"This probably isn't the best time but-look there's already a lot of sadness in the world, there doesn't need to be more. I'm sorry about your fiance, but Christmas _is_ the time for miracles, right? Maybe that's what you need to get him back!" Michael smiles too as Ashton's tears finally start to slow. They move so that the boy can sit with them.

"Hey! That's true!" Michael exclaims, moving his arm as Ashton sits up and wipes away the last of his tears. "Santa always gives one of the passengers the first gift of Christmas. Just tell him that you want Luke back, and he'll take care of the rest!"

"It can't be that easy. No one has any idea where Luke is, or if he's even-" A deep breath. "alive." Michael and the boy, who's name Ashton still hasn't caught, smile sadly at him.

"Santa's magical; I'm sure anyone could find Luke, it would be him." Michael squeezes Ashton's hand. He smiles small.

"Thanks Michael, and thank you...?"

"Calum. My name's Calum." he says. He suddenly seems shy again, especially as he glances at Michael, who is smiling brightly at him.

"It's nice to meet you, Calum!" the boy blushes.

"You too." The two smile softly at each other, and Ashton decides that he'll give them some time to get to know each other.

"I'm going to find a bathroom; splash some water on my face." he makes his way out of the train car, looking for the conductor. He's directed to a small bathroom, where he takes a look at himself in the mirror. His eyes are bloodshot, and a few tear tracks are still glistening on his cheeks. Ashton sighs and washes his face, when suddenly, the whole train jolts. He grabs onto the edge of the sink, trying not to fall. He hears some of the younger kids screaming.

Ashton runs out of the bathroom, trying to make his way back to the car Michael and Calum are in. It's difficult, as the train is still shuddering and moving all over the place. He makes it there eventually, and finds Calum clinging to Michael as the car is filling up with icy water.

"What the hell is happening?!" Ashton yells, grabbing onto one of the seats. The last car is tilted into what looks like a frozen lake, the cracks in it allowing water into the train.

"The tracks froze over, and now the lake is cracking under the weight of the train!" Michael shouts back, carefully helping Calum over to grab onto the seat across from Ashton. Suddenly the whole train shakes violently again, throwing all three boys to the ground. It's obvious that they're back on solid tracks, but they're headed up a steep hill and they begin to slide to the open door at the back of the car. Ashton grabs the leg of a seat in one hand, Michael's shirt in the other. Calum is holding desperately to Michael's arm, and it's obvious that the boys are terrified.

Finally, _finally_ , the tracks level out again, and the boys are able to shakily stand up. The water had mostly drained out of the car during their uphill climb, and Calum hurriedly closed the door at the back.

"And here I thought this was going to be peaceful, relaxing ride!" Ashton pants, successfully lightening the mood a little when the others giggle.

"Is everyone okay?" the conductor bursts inside. He frantically scans his eyes over them, checking for injury.

"It's okay, dad, we're all fine." Michael's father breathes a sigh of relief.

"Good. I'm so sorry about that, the lake has never frozen over like that in all the years I've been making this trip. But I'm glad you're all alright. We'll be arriving in about fifteen minutes." He smiles as he closes the door. Ashton takes a glance at his watch, surprised to see that it still says five minutes to midnight.

"I swear, it's been five till for the past hour." he says, sitting again next to Michael and Calum again. He politely ignores the fact that Calum is still holding onto Michael's hand.

"How do you think Santa is able to visit all the children in the world in one night?" Michael asks, making a 'duh' face. His sarcastic facade is broken as he sneezes, a high-pitched squeak coming out of his mouth.

"It's not _that_ funny." he grumbles, but Calum and Ashton are laughing too hard to hear him.

*

Ashton feels a little awkward being one of the only teenager amidst a bunch of little children. He's standing in the middle of fucking _Santa's Village_ , and all he can think about is how he probably looks like a child predator.

"This is amazing." Calum says, staring in awe at everything around them. Every building in sight is covered in Christmas decorations, from tinsel to garland and everything in between. Elves are gathered all around them, chattering excitedly about seeing Santa. In the center of everything, stands a massive Christmas tree, covered in every decoration imaginable. The whole place is absolutely beautiful, and Ashton can't help but wish that Luke was there to see it. And now he feels like crying all over again.

The elves start cheering, and Ashton is startled out of his thoughts.

"There's the big man!" Michael shouts, pointing at huge double doors leading into the biggest building in the square. He's right. There, in all his glory, is Santa Clause. Like, _actual_ Santa Clause. Ashton almost doesn't believe that he's real, but suddenly he's right in front of him and oh god he's talking to him.

"I see you've made some new friends Michael." he says, chuckling when Michael nods his head proudly.

"That I have, Santa. And one of them needs your help." he motions to Ashton. Santa focuses on him, and Ashton feels very small.

"Um, yeah, I guess-" Calum speaks up.

"Don't be like that, Ashton." he turns back to Santa. "Ashton's fiance is in the army, and he's missing. Is there anything you can do to bring him back?" Santa rubs his chin.

"That's a tall order, I'm not sure that even _I_ can pull that off." Ashton's eyes fill with tears.

"Please, sir. If there's anything you can do, even if it's just to tell me that he's d-, really gone, I'd be so grateful." Santa kneels in front of him, brushing a few tears off of Ashton's cheeks.

"I promise that I will do everything I can to bring him back to you." And with that, Santa turns and strides to his sleigh, letting the elves prep the reindeer before flying off into the night.

*

The train ride home seems much shorter, though Ashton isn't totally sure why. Maybe it's magic. He's ready to believe anything after the night he's had.

Calum is the first one to be dropped off, and Ashton gives him a hug before he leaves. They've all exchanged phone numbers so they can keep in touch after everything is over. Ashton is grateful that, if anything, he's found friends in the two boys. He gives Michael and Calum a moment alone to say goodbye, but he can still see them through the window in the door. They speak for a moment, then Michael is leaning down to kiss Calum on the cheek. Calum frowns at him before pulling him back down and kissing him firmly on the lips. Ashton wants to coo at how cute they are, but at the same time they remind him so much of him and Luke. He looks away.

Michael finally comes back inside, flopping down beside Ashton with a dopey smile on his face.

"Isn't love great?" Michael asks.

"Why do you think I want Luke back so badly?" Michael sits up, turning to Ashton with an apologetic look.

"Oh, Ash, I sound like such a dick right now-" 

"It's fine, Michael. I'm happy for you two." he smiles, putting his hand on Michael's shoulder. "You've been so helpful to me, and we just met."

"I really hope everything works out, Ashton. If anyone deserves happiness this Christmas, it's you."

"Me too, Michael." he rests his head on Michael's shoulder.

"Me too."

*

Ashton wakes up the next morning feeling more rested then he has since Luke left. He gets up to open his curtains, watching the snow flakes continue to fall even as the sun begins to rise behind the clouds. The street is deserted, and it's obvious that the snow plows haven't made it to their street yet. The snow on the street is totally untouched, which is odd because surely the train would have-

Suddenly it all comes rushing back to him. The train journey, Michael, Calum, his wish. Was it all just a dream?

He turns to look around the room, specifically the snow globe that had fallen and smashed last night. However, he finds the snow globe perfectly intact and still on his dresser. Before he has time to ponder any longer, he hears the doorbell ring. Confused, he heads down stairs to see who'd be calling this early in the morning. It could be Mrs. Laurence, who is always asking him to do something or another. Perhaps she wants him to shovel her driveway.

Again.

He opens the door, fully prepared to tell Mrs. Laurence that he had a lot of very important things to do today, but the words die in his throat when he sees who's standing there.

"L-Luke?" His fiance is standing there, uniform ripped and covered in mud, but he's there.

"I promised you I'd come back." he pulls Ashton in by the waist, leaning down to kiss him with everything he has. Ashton is crying as he grips onto Luke's shoulders, kissing him back with the same fervor. Luke pulls away, staring lovingly down at Ashton.

"I can't believe you're okay!" Ashton sobs, burying his face in Luke's neck. "I was so worried! They sent me the letter and-oh Luke, I thought you were dead!" Luke steers them inside, pulling the front door closed behind them. He takes them to the living room, sitting on the couch and pulling Ashton into his lap.

"I know, darling, I know. I wish I could have let you know that I was alright, but there were so many things working against me." Ashton is playing with the dog tags hanging around Luke's neck, other hand wound tightly with Luke's.

"What happened? How did you get back here?" Luke sighs.

"It's kind of a weird story." He shifts so he can lay back against the arm of the couch, keeping Ashton comfortably snuggled on top of him.

"I was separated from my platoon in late November. We'd been ambushed-god Ash, so many of my friends died that day, it was horrible-but I was able to get away. I got lost, I had no idea where I was, but a local family found me. I'm so thankful for them, you don't even know. They kept me hidden, gave me food and shelter. All I did for them was help with their farm, and they didn't eve ask me to do that. I couldn't just let them do all that for nothing. Anyway, I had no idea how to get back to the base, nor did I have any way to come home." he starts running his fingers through Ashton's curls.

"I thought about you every day, love. All I wanted to do was come home to you, but I had no idea how." Ashton kisses his jaw. Luke hums and turns his head, kissing Ashton again.

"How were able to get back then?" Ashton asks once they've pulled apart.

"That's the strange part. Last night, I was sitting outside, looking at the stars. I couldn't sleep, knowing it was Christmas Eve and you were all alone. Anyway, suddenly a truck comes driving down the road, and an older man gets out when he gets to the house. We talked for a while, and I ended up telling him all about you and everything that had happened. The next thing I know, the guy asks if I want a ride back to the base, and I just agree. He had such an aura about him that I just knew to trust him. I gathered up my stuff, thanking the family for everything they'd done for me. I fell asleep on the ride over, and when I woke up, we were driving through London, right back here." Ashton perks up, sitting up a little so he can look Luke in the eye.

" _What_?"

"I know! So I ask the guy what the actual fuck is going on, and he just smiles and stops at the end of our street. He let me out, and then he said that this was the last Christmas present he had to deliver. He wished me a merry christmas, and just drove away. It was weird, because it looked like his truck just sort of-disappeared into the snow. I didn't even get a chance to thank him." And just like that Ashton is crying again.

"Ashton, sweetheart what's wrong?" Luke asks, frantically trying to wipe the tears off of Ashton's cheeks. Ashton recounts his adventures of the night before. He told him about Michael and Calum and his wish for Santa.

"All I wanted was you to come home safe, Luke. I can't believe Santa was actually able to do it!" Ashton finally stops his tears, smiling at Luke.

"I love you so much." he whispers, running his fingers over Luke's dirty cheek.

"I love you more." Luke says, kissing Ashton again. "I'll never stop loving you."

*

"Luke come on! Michael and Calum are waiting for us!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Luke calls, hurrying down the stairs and wrapping a scarf around his neck. "Okay, I'm ready." he says. Ashton goes to open the door.

"Wait!" Luke pulls a sprig of mistletoe out of his coat pocket. "Give me a kiss first." Ashton giggles.

"Luke, we're going to be late!" Luke pouts at him.

"Is it such a crime for me to want to kiss my _husband_?" They had gotten married the month before, and Luke was still insisting on using the term husband on every occasion possible.

Not the Ashton was complaining.

"Besides, it's five minutes to midnight, and it was five minutes to midnight five minutes ago. I'm sure we'll be just fine." Ashton rolls his eyes, but pushes up on his toes to give Luke a sweet kiss.

"Okay, now we can go." Luke says happily, opening the front door and ushering Ashton through. Calum and Michael are waiting for them at the end of their driveway.

"Took you lovebirds long enough!" Michael calls, arm around Calum's waist.

"Don't act like you two weren't making out two seconds ago, Clifford!" Luke laughs as he and Ashton join them. Calum shrugs.

"He's got a point, Mikey-hey!" Calum squeals as Michael tickles his sides.

"Okay children, sorry to break it up, but we've got a train to catch." Ashton says. "Did you text your dad, Michael?" The now purple-haired boy nods.

"Sure did! Should be here any second n-" he's cut off by a loud whistle.

"Speak of the devil." The Polar Express pulls up beside them, just the same as the year before. But this time, Ashton has a warm hand in his own. Things couldn't be better.

"All aboard!"

 

  

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This took 8 years to write, but I enjoyed every second! Merry Christmas, everyone!
> 
> tumblr: mermaid_larry :)


End file.
